1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Introduction
She had a faint smile on her face when she walked into my study. She sat down and we visited for a while and then I said to her, “How are you doing?” As soon as I said that, she reached over and picked up a Kleenex and began to wipe the tears away. She said, “Pastor, I didn’t intend to cry today.” I said, “That’s okay, somebody cries in here almost every day.” She said, “I don’t know where to begin. My marriage is falling apart.”
You know her name—it is “Legion” because there are many like her and they come to my study or to the offices of other people on our staff almost every day, and sometimes several like that come in a day’s time. You don’t need a preacher to tell you that marriage and the family are in trouble today. Maybe on this Mother’s Day we could best spend our time examining the role and the responsibility of perhaps the most vital member of the family—the mother.
When I was a kid you could come to a Mother’s Day service and expect that the sermon would be filled with sentiment and gratitude because marriages were stable and the home life was all that most people could want it to be. But our society has changed so rapidly in recent years that Mother’s Day is no longer a day for sentiment; it is a day for challenge. I think what we need today from the word is a word for women.
In the early service, when Curtis Crofton read this passage in Titus chapter two, he said he thought the title of the sermon, “A Word to Women,” was most appropriate, because around his house that is about all he ever got in was “a word” here and there. He also commented that he was anxious to see how I would deal with the description “aged women.” Before he read the scripture, I thought I had a good text. But by the time he got through I was sorry I had picked it!
What Paul has to say here to women concerning their place in the marriage and in the home is part of a larger picture. He is talking in this passage about the totality of Christian responsibility in the home. So he begins by talking to the aged men and then to the aged women—the mature men and the mature women. He then talks to the young women and to the young men. He even addresses the slaves and the servants. Slaves and servants were a very vital part of homes in that New Testament world, so Paul had a word to say to them about their responsibility and their place in the family relationship. Paul is painting for us a large picture about the Christian home and its place in society in a dark and difficult time.
Titus ministered on the island of Crete. It was a wicked place and a sick society. In fact, in verse 12 of chapter one, he makes mention of the fact that one of their own poets in so many words had said, “All Cretans are liars, evil beasts, and lazy gluttons.” One of their own people said that about them! Paul said this assessment of Crete was right. Paul knew that the only hope or antidote for a sick society would start with the healthy teaching of God’s word that would bring men and women into a right relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ. Then they must be taught the sound teaching of God’s word. That was the direction of Paul’s thinking in this passage of scripture.
He begins by saying, “But speak thou the things that become sound doctrine.” And that word sound literally means “healthy.” It was as if Paul were saying, “Titus, in your sick society it is your responsibility to teach the people that healthy view of life and that healthy truth that comes from God. Tell the mature or aged men that they are to be sober and grave in temperament, and sound in faith, charity, and patience.”
And then he comes to the aged and mature women. I think a casual glance at this whole passage of scripture would indicate that he gives so much space to the place of women in marriage and the home. That very allotment of space indicates that the place of the mother and the wife in making the home what it ought to be and what it ultimately can become is far more important than that of anyone else. It is still true today that the hand that rocks the cradle also rules the world. Paul knew that. So he gave some words of counsel and advice to women about their place in the home, in marriage, and in the family.
I want to look at those statements that Paul made to women and make some brief application of the truth to your life and to mine with the hope that God will use his word and the amplification of it to challenge us to give our highest and best to our marriages and to our homes today.
1. Act like priests and servants. He begins with this word of counsel to women: “Go about your duties in a priestly manner.” He says this in verse 3, and the King James Version expresses it in this way: “Be in behavior as becometh holiness.” That word holy always means “sacred.” It means “set apart.” The challenge to Christian women is that they look upon their place and their role in life as a sacred place and as a sacred role. Paul is saying in essence, “You need to view your home as a temple of God and yourself as a servant of God—as a priest of God in that temple. You need to go about your work in the home as though you were a servant of God. You are to go about your work in the home in a priestly manner.”
You can see immediately that what Paul begins with is a person’s attitude. He is saying that if you can ever see your place, your responsibility, and your privilege in marriage as a sacred duty that you render not just to your husband and your children but also unto God, and if you ever see yourself as a priest working in that temple for God, it will transform that drudgery of life into something that is divine and sacred. It would be a wonderful thing if every wife and every mother could view her home as a temple and herself as a servant and priest of God in that temple. It would be a wonderful thing if she did her work wherever it may be, as humdrum as it may be, as though she were a priest unto God.
2. Don’t act like the devil. The second bit of counsel is don’t act like the devil. Now the King James puts it this way: “Don’t be a false accuser.” But in the Greek language, a false accuser is literally a slanderer. Many times in the Bible, that very same word is translated as “devil” or “Satan.” It is translated that way because that is the chief work of Satan—he is a slanderer.
It is his mission and role in life is to slander God to men and to slander men to God. He does his greatest, most effective, and most continuous work by slandering God to you. He does it by raising questions about the character of God in your mind, by causing you to doubt God, and by attempting to slander us to God himself. You are never more like the devil than when you slander somebody else. Whatever else you may do, you are never more like him than when what you say to or about somebody else so degrades them, drags them down, and embarrasses and hurts them that you virtually destroy their spirit and personality. When you do that you are playing right into the hands of Satan. So the admonition is do not falsely accuse, do not slander, and do not act like the devil.
It was Billy Sunday who prayed, “God save us from women who are angels in the streets and they are devils in the home.” Such behavior is not limited to women. It oftentimes characterizes men and it oftentimes characterizes teenagers and everyone else in the family. There is a plea for consistency, that whatever we are on the streets, in the church, and in public life, we ought also to strive to be in the home. What a need we have for consistency in marriage and family relationships today!
Paul is admonishing us to control and govern our speech. If you took all the sins of the world and you stack them up in neat little piles to classify them, fully one half the sins that we commit are sins of the tongue. We hurt other people by the way we talk. Dale Carnegie said, “More than one woman has made her own marital grave by a series of little digs.” Go about your work in a priestly manner and don’t act like the devil.
3. Don’t give in to addictions. The third thing Paul says is, “Don’t be addicted to alcohol.” The King James put it this way: “Do not be given to much wine.” But in the Greek language it literally means, “Do not be a slave to wine.” It is a warning against addiction to alcohol. Did you know that the oldest chemical reaction known to man is the making of alcohol? The first thing, so far as we know, that man learned to make was alcohol. And since that day alcohol has been a curse to the human race. Study it from the book of Genesis up to today’s newspaper and you will find a trail of destruction and heartache that is never ending. If alcohol had just now been discovered, it would be acclaimed as the greatest tranquilizer that man ever found—until we studied the side effects of it. Then we would immediately outlaw it just as marijuana was outlawed.
But alcohol has been around so long that we can’t view it and deal with it objectively. One reason is that the majority of our lawmakers use it and they are not going to outlaw something they use. It is an industry that has one of the most powerful lobbies in the world and it is a tremendous source of revenue through taxation. So we cannot hope in today’s world to deal with alcohol objectively. But there comes to us again and again this warning from God’s word, and you are to be careful in your dealing with it. In fact, whenever the Bible speaks of alcohol it always speaks of it as one of these electrical transformers stations that exists throughout our community. It builds a huge fence around it and puts up a sign that says, “Danger, high voltage.” You begin to tamper with it and you are playing with something as dangerous as—and perhaps more so—than electricity or fire.
Alcoholism is a growing problem in America today among all age groups—in particular among women. Anytime in a society that you have a preponderance of boredom or pressure, there will be an increase in the use of some kind of drug, and alcohol is the most common and most accepted drug there is. So many women are facing tremendous pressures in life. They face the pressures of being a mother and of being a wife, and the increasing pressures of raising a family in this difficult society lead them to look for some kind of sedation or release, so they head for alcohol.
Those who aren’t under pressure are oftentimes the victims of boredom. Too many things plus too little responsibility invites boredom to set in. If a society is leaning in either of those directions—boredom or pressure—you will often find an increase in the use of alcohol that is taking a terrible toll upon the lives of the whole society.
So the word from God is, do not be addicted to alcohol. Go about your work in a priestly manner. Do not act like the devil by slandering others in or out of your family.
4. Be a teacher of good things. The fourth word of advice is to be a teacher of good things. In recent months we have been hearing a lot about the qualifications and effectiveness of teachers here in Texas. Let me tell you, the most important teacher in all the world is still the mother in the home. Now her influence is not what it used to be thanks to the advent of the automobile, the working mother, and the television. You introduce all of those elements into society and you greatly reduce the teaching impact and influence of a mother upon the lives of our children. But it is still true that the mother is the single most important and influential teaching person in the life of a child. So the challenge is that women use this for its highest and greatest good with their children.
It was especially true in the New Testament world where women did not have a chance to receive a formal education. What they learned was in the home. And Paul is admonishing women to take what you have learned from your experience, from your dealings with God, and from your life at home, and in turn pass it on to your younger women so they may benefit from your experience, knowledge, and wisdom. You need to always realize that as you go about your work in a priestly manner, as you control your tongue, and as you abstain from the addiction of alcohol, that you are consistently teaching those good things that your children need to learn.
5. Be sober. Paul says to women, “You are to be sober.” That doesn’t have to do with alcohol. He has already talked about that. He means that you are to have a serious view of life and its responsibilities. You are not to be giddy, you are not to be irresponsible, you are not to be a scatterbrain, you are to take your place as a serious member of the family and as a contributing part of society. You are to be sober and serious in your outlook on life.
6. Be a lover. He admonishes women that they are to be a lover. He says that you are to love your husbands, and then in the very next breath he says, “You are to love your children.” The kind of love that Paul talks about here is not some sentiment. It is not an emotion. He is talking about an act of the will. It would be a great day if we could ever realize that the love God wants and the love he talks about is not something we feel—it is something we do. Our feelings are always coming and going. They are up and down. They depend on the weather, they depend on the last telephone call we received, they depend on what we had to eat, they depend on how somebody else has treated us. Our feelings come and go, but our relationships to one another are not to go up and down with our feelings in life.
The love the Bible talks about is an act of the will—it is something I do. It is not something I necessarily feel. It means that if I love someone, I will always seek what is best for them and I am working for their highest good. It is the very opposite of selfishness and of always thinking about yourself. Love is thinking about other people and how you can meet their needs. That’s Christian love, and the Bible keeps telling us that that is what holds marriages together. That’s the cement in the lives of people that builds relationships. Without that kind of caring love, that unselfishness that reaches out to others, the marriage and the home soon crumbles.
He says to women, “You are to love your husbands.” Do you know that is the only place (so far as I can recall) in the New Testament that women are told to love their husbands? They are told again and again, “You are to submit to your husband, you are to obey your husband.” Husbands are often told, “Husbands, you are to love your wives.” Yet this is the only place that I can recall where a wife is told she is to love her husband. Perhaps it is not stated often in scripture because it is almost instinctive. Not always, but most often a wife has the will and the capacity to love this way.
But she is not only told to love her husband. She is told that she is also to love her children that same kind of way. People ask me sometimes, “Can you love your children too much?” And the answer to that is “no.” You can love them unwisely. In your relationships with your children, there is a tightrope between being too easy on them and being too hard on them. And we are to strive to find that tightrope somewhere in the middle between those two. Women have a tendency to be too easy. The book of Proverbs says that a child left to himself will bring shame to his mother. Men have a tendency to be too hard. Paul said to men, “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Somewhere between being too lax and letting them have too much freedom and being so hard so that you break their spirit is that middle of the road that we have to find.
When Paul says to women, “You are to love your husbands and you are to love your children,” he is talking about that balance in life. It is a wonderful thing. It is a necessary thing to be loved and to love. And all of us need to give and to receive love to have life at its best, life at its fullest.
7. Be pure. He says to women, “You are to be sexually pure.” The words he uses here are discreet and chaste. The Bible teaches chastity before marriage and fidelity after marriage. Are you listening to me? I don’t care what everybody else is doing. I don’t care what you see on television or what is talked about in the magazines. I’m telling you what God says, the principle for the people of God—for those who name his name—is chastity before marriage and fidelity in marriage. It is marriage with complete faithfulness to your mate or the single life with total abstinence from sex. Every one of us ought to be able to understand that. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Women are to be keepers at home or they are to be homemakers. The words literally mean that they are to be a worker at home. They are to be occupied with home duties.
We need to recover again the idea that the highest calling in all of this world is to be a homemaker. The greatest career that any lady can undertake is to be a mother and a good wife. I’m not trying to belittle anything you may have achieved or anything you may be. I just want you to keep everything in perspective, and I’m telling you that from God’s perspective the highest calling and the most honorable of professions is to be a homemaker. He challenges women to be good and to be kind. You remember the prayer of the little girl: “God, make all the bad people and all the good people kind.” You can’t really have goodness without kindness. You can have morality, but it is a rigid kind of morality. You can have righteousness, but it becomes self-righteousness. If you don’t mix kindness in with that goodness, then it never becomes what God wants out of us.
8. Obey your husband. The last thing Paul told Titus to teach them is that they should obey their husbands. I have always had trouble with this one just like you do. Not only trouble getting it practiced in my home, but trouble in balancing it out. The problem is not that I don’t understand it; the problem is balance, and finding a way to say it.
You see, the word obey is a military term, and it is a strong word. But at the same time we know from the reading of scripture that marriage is a partnership. It is not that one is the supreme commander in chief and the other is a buck private. That is not a Christian marriage at all. It is a partnership of mutual respect, of recognizing that certain people have certain gifts, abilities, and temperaments, and respecting and honoring that. The command to submit and obey is always balanced in scripture with the responsibility to love. I think what the scripture is driving at is to recognize that in society, in marriage, and in the home there is a divine order of things. And in that divine order, the man is to be the leader, and the wife walking by his side to support, to encourage, and to help. And so Paul’s admonition to teach wives that they should obey fits into God’s order of things in the home.
9. Don’t blaspheme the word of God. Paul wraps it all up by saying to us that the word of God be not blasphemed. Whatever happens in our marriages and our homes ultimately reflects upon the word of God and the church and the Lord Jesus himself. If we don’t want him blasphemed, made fun of, or made light of, then we must be in the home the kind of people that we ought to be. Hence, there is this word to women.
Several years ago I was at a revival meeting in a little country church. The church had the cemetery right beside it. I like to walk in cemeteries and read the epitaphs on tombstones. I do that a lot of times and try to imagine what went on there; it can be an emotional experience for me. I did that in Oxford, Mississippi, a couple of weeks ago. The town of Oxford is older than the republic of Texas. There are a lot of old graves in the city cemetery. I got to Oxford early, found the cemetery, and walked through the headstones. I read one tombstone that I shall never ever forget. The inscription on it was this: “Mahalia, the wife of E. L. Adkins. She was the sunshine of our home.” I think if you took all that Paul says here and boiled it down into an epitaph, that’s what he would say. “Women, be the sunshine of your home—the warmth, the light, the life.” That’s God’s word for us today.