Conflict is inevitable in marriage. As Ruth Graham said, “When two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.” The fact that you have conflicts is not what’s important. It’s how you deal with them that counts.
Here are five common sense ways to handle conflict in marriage.
1. Talk things over. The heart of a marriage is its communication system. If two people can sit down and talk in a mature manner, they can solve almost any personal conflict. Being sullen and pouty is a sure way to destroy almost any relationship. So keep talking till you solve your problems.
2. Attack the problem and not each other. Oftentimes in conflicts we stop discussing the problem and start calling each other names. To destroy your mate does not help your marriage. Stick with the issue and stay off personalities.
3. Fly into a calm instead of a rage. When you find yourself getting tense and uptight in a conflict, relax. Instead of raising your voice, lower it. I have found that the louder we talk the less effective our communication. Don’t say you can’t do this. Sure you can—if you really want to.
4. Settle your conflicts before you sleep. The Bible says, “Let not the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). Never allow problems to canker into resentments. Deal with them quickly and then forget them. The Chinese have a proverb, “Long disputes mean both parties are wrong.” That is doubly true in marriage.
5. Never consider divorce. Hold onto the conviction of permanence in marriage. Conflicts do not mean that the marriage is no good. They are a normal part of life and should be faced quickly and honestly and then forgotten.
Actually your marriage can emerge from a quarrel stronger if it is dealt with maturely and spiritually.