One of the most difficult of tasks is to explain death to a child. How do you do it?
First, be calm. How you tell them is almost as important as what you tell them. If you are composed, they will probably accept your explanation calmly. If you are hysterical, they will probably become hysterical. Their experience and understanding is limited and so they are likely to reflect the attitudes of those around them.
Second, be honest. Avoid the temptation to invent a story to make death seem easier for them to accept or understand. Don’t tell them, “Your daddy has gone on a long trip, or has gone to sleep.” This may create fear and anxiety for them about trips or sleep. Don’t deceive them. Tell them in a simple and straightforward way what has happened.
When an elderly person dies, it is easy to explain that the body has worn out and the spirit has left it. Children can accept that. They can understand how a house can get too old to live in and the people must move out of it into another one. This explanation is not only understandable, but it is also biblical.
Third, be careful about blaming God. Untimely deaths are often caused by the carelessness, sinfulness, and ignorance of other people. Don’t lead the child to think this is “the will of God.”
Fourth, be understanding. Children have feelings just like anyone else. These feelings are worthy of respect. They may be afraid and need reassurance. If one parent has died, the child may fear that the other parent will die also. Hold them close! Talk to them. Give them physical and emotional reassurance that everything will be all right.
They may be curious and need explanations. Don’t ignore them. Answer their questions as best you can. If they are curious about what is happening at the funeral home or cemetery, let someone take them there to see. If they want to attend the funeral service, they should be allowed to do so. They should not feel excluded from an experience that is obviously affecting the rest of the family. However, they should not be forced to attend. The choice should be theirs.
Children accept death much more readily than we think. Their attention span is short and they may soon be playing as though nothing has happened. Don’t be surprised or disappointed at this. It is natural.
Death is a part of life. Children can and do accept it amazingly well.