Very few people seem to understand what marriage is all about. Three words sum up the heart of it. Marriage is companionship, commitment, and compromise.
First, marriage is companionship. In the beginning God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God was right as always. Loneliness is devastating. God gave marriage to meet the basic loneliness in us. We all need someone to share our life with.
So God said, “I will make an helpmeet for man.” The word is “helpmeet,” not “helpmate.” What we need is not someone to help us mow the grass, wash the dishes, or clean the house. We need someone to walk with, talk to, someone to put their arms around us, someone we can love, and someone who will love us. We need a companion. That’s what a helpmeet is. And that’s what marriage was intended to provide.
Sometimes when I am traveling without my wife and I see a beautiful place, I have a sense of emptiness. Something seems to be missing. As I have reflected upon this, I’ve decided it is because my wife is not with me. When I find something beautiful and delightful I want to share it with the person who means more to me than anyone else in the world. Other people may be around me, but if I cannot share this with her the experience is incomplete. We all need someone to share our lives with—our joys, our sorrows, our thrills, our disappointments. Without that someone, something is usually missing. Marriage was intended to provide that.
Second, marriage is commitment. While marriage begins with companionship, it endures through commitment. Commitment is the cement that holds marriages together. Marriages are not held together by a marriage license. A license is nothing more than a piece of paper and a judge can easily stamp across it the word “divorced.” It is commitment that keeps people together. We long for companionship and when we find that person we feel we love, we make a lifelong commitment to them.
Third, marriage is compromise. We long for companionship, we make a commitment, but then we must work at making the marriage work. There are no perfect marriages. There are no perfect relationships. Everybody has to strive to make marriage what God intended it to be and what they want it to be. This necessitates sacrifice, compromise, and time.
The road to a good marriage is always under construction. We never arrive finally and completely. However, as we grow older we discover that the joy of marriage is not just in the destination but also in the journey. In walking together, talking together, and living together we find the deepest needs of our life met.