To face grief is difficult, but to face it alone is even worse. In times of grief we all need strength, love, support, and encouragement from others. We all need companionship in distress so that we do not feel alone.
Fewer crises in life afford friends an opportunity for more genuine ministry than does the time of grief. What can we do to help our grieving friends? We have a pattern in the things that Jesus did to help Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus died (John 11:1-45).
1. Jesus went to be with them. That’s the first thing we ought to do also. What our grieving friends need is not an instant sermon, or a simple answer, or a long scriptural quotation. What they need is our concern. Our personal presence means more than any words we might say. So when friends lose loved ones, go to be with them.
2. Jesus wept with them. The verse “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in all of the Bible. However, it speaks volumes about Jesus and how he helped grieving friends. He entered into the experience of grief with them. He felt what they felt. He shared their deep sorrow. He wept and allowed them to weep also.
To help a friend in grief we too must be the kind of person with whom they can grieve and weep unashamedly. They must know that we suffer with them and share their deep loss. We must never make people think that tears are unmanly or unchristian. They are neither. They are normal expressions of the emotions of grief and they belong in our lives.
3. Jesus witnessed to them. He assured them that their brother would live again and that he was the resurrection and the life. We too can affirm the reality of God’s love and presence, and his marvelous promises to our grieving friends. We must point them beyond the despair of the moment to the hope that resides in Jesus Christ.
4. Jesus waked Lazarus from the dead. We of course cannot awaken the dead like that, but we can awaken our grieving friend to new hope, new life, and to new usefulness. We must help them find a sense of release and renewed vision in life.
Follow the example of Jesus in ministering to your grieving friends. Go to them, weep with them, bear witness to them of the hope that we have in Jesus Christ, and help them to find the new reason for living. That’s the way Jesus helped Mary and Martha. That’s the way you can help your friends also.