Most things in life tend to tarnish. Silver must be polished; the thrill of wearing a new hat soon fades; a job that at first enthralled us soon becomes monotonous. Marriage is no exception. It too tends to tarnish unless care is taken to keep it glowing.
Many couples enter into marriage with great expectations. But their dreams soon fade into disappointments and unhappiness. One psychologist has estimated that 75% of all marriages are failures.
The most successful marriages are Christian marriages. Being a Christian does not eliminate your problems but it does give you guidelines and resources to deal with them. What are the characteristics of a Christian marriage?
1. Oneness. In marriage two people become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). What does the phrase “one flesh” mean? Jesus interpreted it, in part, as a basis for permanence in marriage (Matthew 19:5-7). Marriage is to be permanent, but permanence alone is not enough. The goal of marriage is not just endurance; it is oneness. Oneness is a miracle wherein two people who are distinct individuals transcend their individuality and achieve a newer and higher oneness. This is what God expects for your marriage to achieve. This oneness is achieved only by much adjustment. We should begin marriage with the conviction of permanence and adjust to oneness.
2. Love. The key to happiness in any area of life is to love and be loved. It is as simple as that. Any psychiatrist will tell you that at least half his patients are love-starved. Christian marriage should be characterized by God’s kind of love—a love that sacrifices and gives.
3. Fidelity. Swiss theologian Emil Brunner (1889-1966) said that marriage is based not so much on love as fidelity. Actually there can be no true love without fidelity. The Bible is clear. Sex outside the seal and shield of marriage is a sin. While the Bible commands “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” there is also a corollary that says to the wife, “Thou shalt not so frustrate your husband as to drive him from your own home to seek in someone else the fulfillment you should provide in marriage.” Read it for yourself in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
4. Devotion. Husbands and wives are to love one another, but they are to worship God. This necessitates a common faith. Married couples share the same name, the same income, and the same house. They should also share the same church membership. According to Pew Research, among U.S. adults married since 2010, almost one in five are in marriages between a Christian and a religiously unaffiliated spouse. This was true for only 5% of those who married before 1960. When people share their faith, they are more apt to worship and pray regularly.
This is marriage, Christian style. What style is your marriage? Make it Christian. That’s your best guarantee of it being a success.