“What I need is a cheerleader, not a critic.” This man was talking about his wife. Part of the problem in their marriage from his perspective centered around the fact that when he got home from a hard day’s work she met him with a barrage of complaints and criticism. He said, “I get enough of that at work. When things go wrong, I catch it from all sides. At home I need a cheerleader, not a critic. If a man can’t find peace at home, where can he find it?”
There are scores of people, both men and women, who feel the same way about their spouse. They have emotional needs that are not being met in their marriage. Their marriage, instead of helping the problem, is adding to it.
If this is your problem, you would do well to remember the following:
1. Everyone needs a cheerleader. All of us have egos that sag at times. Even the people who seem to be the most successful and secure need their morale bolstered occasionally. A part of marriage is providing that moral support we all need. So be sensitive to your mate. Realize basic needs and try to meet them. People who are continually chipping away at the personality of their mates are playing with marital dynamite. We call the explosion “divorce.”
2. You are the best person in the world to meet your mate’s needs. Believe it or not, no one else can meet those needs as well as you can. If you are going to succeed, at least two things are necessary. First of all, you must be sensitive and understanding. We dare not expect of others what we cannot give ourselves—perfection. If we want some of our faults overlooked (that’s what acceptance is), then we must be willing to overlook our mate’s faults. With understanding and acceptance you are able to supply the ego needs of your mate.